Back to square one
by Nienna
Summary: When an unexpected event takes place, Hiro finds himself being what he thought he'd never be. The one receiving an advise, not the one giving it. Oneshot, KxHiro.


**Notes:** english isn't my mother language, so corrections are more than welcome. Thanks to **Lady Angela von Spitzberg**, my beta, for encouraging me to publish it and helping me so much with everything.

He was having one of those moments when all that he wanted was to slamm his head against the wall. Repeatedly. Until he couldn't remember what he had just dreamed about.

Or should he said dreamed of.

It wasn't the first time he've seen that tall, slender and blond figure. At the beginning they'd just talked as if they were at NG in the middle of a normal day, but when Hiro woke up not being able to tear apart what he_ had _said and what he _hadn't_ said to K in _real_ life, he knew he was screwed.

Things began to escalate from there. Holding hands, tender kisses, whispered english words in his ears. Every time he would see his manager being a lot more than that to him.

Nights when he was extremely tired were the worst ones. It seemed like his brain knew when to successfully pull his leg, so that in the morning when he had to see the man face to face he'd feel like crap or even worse than that.

If it wasn't for his nocturnal hallucinations, he would still be suspicious about his feeling towards the american. There was something unique in the way they got along, in the way they understood each other jokes better than anyone, in the way they looked at the other when speaking.

It was that goddamned chemistry what was driving Nakano Hiroshi insane.

He didn't have any problems accepting his bisexuality, that wasn't the issue. The age difference wasn't the issue either. It was something more tangible, something more... legal perhaps? Marriage sounded that way, at least for him.

And K, unfortunately_ or_ fortunately _was_ married.

"Maybe I should talk to Shuuichi about this", he thought, "He has experience in this type of thing after all. Yuki was engaged", he rationalized and then frowned, "not to mention I was his ex-fiancée's boyfriend for a long period of time."

Feeling the need of running to Shuuichi for advice was indeed the end of the road. He loved his best friend, but he knew him so well he knew there was a 99 percent chance he'd waste time asking him his opinion.

_Just tell him, he won't bite you. He might__ shoot you, but that's a daily risk, so no biggie._

Yes, he could hear the pink-haired singer as if he was there.

_Tell him, maybe you'll get lucky. Our band is called __Bad Luck, that doesn't mean we're going to have bad luck though. Go ahead, tell him! I'll cheer for you!_

"It's not that easy, damn it, Shuuichi. He's married. _Married!_".

_So what? There's divorce, __Hiro. You're being a drama queen._

"I'm not being a drama queen, you moron! I'd be hurting people in the process, I don't want to do that."

_Whatever you say. Just tell him already._

"That selfish, twisted logic isn't helping me", he said out loud to the imaginary hologram of his friend. Noticing the last fact, he shook his head and lighted a cigarette.

Well, at least that topic was solved. He didn't need to talk to Shuuichi, he already knew what he was going to hear if he did.

It was enough, anyway. He was going to be late for work and then K would be dangerously close with that gun of his pointing right at his forehead, warning him that being late wasn't allowed for a professional.

Tilting his head after taking a deep drag, he decided that having the blond that close wasn't a bad thing at all.

And he decided he was pathetic, too.

When he arrived to the studio he found Fujisaki and Shuuichi standing outside the door, babbling in a low voice. Something in their gestures made him think it was a serious matter, so he asked in the same tone, "What's going on?".

"K's in there. He looks really beaten up."

"What? Did something happen to him?", he asked quickly, almost gasping, "Is he hurt?".

"He meant K looks depressed. Speak clearly, Shindou, would you? We need to solve this, we're wasting rehearsal time!"

"Shut up! I'm worried about K, not about the rehearsal", snapped Shuuichi, "Hiro, you talk to him."

"Me? Why me?", he panicked. It was hard enough to act normally around K when the man was being reckless and loud as usual, but seing him vulnerable... he was sure he wouldn't take it.

"Because you're not as scared of him as us. Besides, K will think twice before killing you. He seems fond of you, so go. We don't wanna die."

The redhead froze. What have he just said? _He seems fond of you?_

"_God, don't give me that shit right now. It's not the time for love confessions. I'm not confessing! I'm not!"._

"Excuse me, folks", interrumped them a deep, known voice whose owner was carrying a pink bunny, "Is K here?"

"Sakuma-san!", exclaimed Shuuichi as if saying 'my hero!', "yes, he's inside. But he's..."

"It's okay. Kumagoro'll make him feel better."

Hiro winced internally, half relieved and half mad at him for being jealous of Ryuuichi.

He somewhat felt like he was loosing a good chance with K.

Then he felt the urge of knocking himself out again as he realized his mental conversation with Shuuichi had affected him more than he thought.

The three stayed outside while the Nittle Grasper vocalist entered the room, two of them waiting for a _bang!_ that Hiro knew wasn't going to happen. He'd learned by observing that the bond between the star and his former manager was more like a strong friendship than a professional relationship. If there was someone right to handle this situation, that person was Ryuuichi.

However, that didn't mean he was happy about it. He was worried too, damn it! He wanted to know what the hell was going on. He honestly would never expected to see K in a dark state of mind. The american didn't seem capable of feeling sadness with that unbreakable humor of his and the _methods_ he had for always getting his way.

He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, so when he heard the door opening he jolted, his eyes widening at the vision in front of them.

Ryuuichi was holding K's hand, who appeared to be anywhere but there, not aware of their presence nor the stuffed animal wrapped around his neck. His ponytail was nearly undone, his skin was so pale his white shirt couldn't compete with it, his clothes were messy and for the look of his eyes one would say that the man hadn't slept in days.

Hiro's voice didn't respond to him, even though he really wished to ask K if he could be of any help. As suspicious it might sound, he didn't care anymore.

What happened? What on Earth could leave K like that? Was he having problems with his wife? Long distance marriages weren't known for last long. And how sick was he if that possibility sounded quite attractive?

No, he thought. He didn't want K to suffer. It was just that getting rid of that obstacle was what he wanted all along.

But not like this. Not like this.

"Do you guys can survive without a manager for today? Me and Kumagoro are taking K home", Ryuuichi informed in his childish self. That released the tension the guitarist was feeling for seeing them holding hands, now that he looked at it, it was more like the singer was leading K to the elevators without any romantic implications in his grip.

"Yeah, we just have practice scheduled anyway", Shuuichi answered, having the guts to do what Hiro failed at the moment, "K-san, get better soon! We are here for you if you need us, just give us a call, 'kay?"

A flash of the tiniest smile Hiro had ever seen in that foreign yet so familiar face, "Alright, thanks."

Hiro was waiting to hear something similar to 'don't miss me too much and work hard, you lazy asses!', but none of that came out of K's lips. In fact nothing else came out of them, as he and Ryuuichi walked across the corridor and got into an elevator. The last waved at Shuuichi, saying something the guitarist missed.

"Damn it, Hiroshi", he cursed himself later that afternoon, not being able to focus on a single score, "you could have shown some _interest_, I mean, the man is having a rough time. Nobody is saying you have to _jump on_ him, you fucking coward."

"Ne, Hiro", Shuuichi spoke, sitting right beside him, "are you okay? You've been spacing out a lot today."

"I'm fine, I'm just...", he didn't want to put it into words, he'd certainly end up telling his friend everything if he did, so he evaded the question, "it's nothing."

"Nothing, huh. I thought K's name was Claude, not _Nothing_", the vocalist mocked, "but hey, you know him better than me."

Ok. That was the second time Shuuichi had thrown such an innuendo at him about K. He indeed wasn't delutional.

But how? How did Shuuichi...? No way. It was impossible for him to find out of his _own._ Hiro'd hid it perfectly.

"I know him just as much as you do, I don't know what you're talking about", he said nonchalantly, "You're imagining things."

"No, _you're _imagining things, Hiro. You thought I wouldn't notice? Come on, give me some credit, we grew up together."

"What-"

"Maybe you don't know him completely, but you want to, don't you?"

"Shuuichi, I-I don't want to talk about this", it was true anyway. Though the fact his heart was pounding in his chest had to do with it too.

"Oh? You don't? I'll talk then", he tried to stop him, but the serious look in the all-but-serious singer didn't let him, "Hiro, you're being an idiot. And a coward, and you know it. If you don't want to tell him, fine, don't! But don't do this, you two get along so well it's a pity you don't interact at all outside work. I know you avoid him, Ryuuichi've told me he's invited you to drink and you've said no. You could be friends, that way you'd be near him but not 'ruining' anything. It'd be a win-win situation, especially if some day in the future he does separate from his wife. He's here all the time with us, not with his family after all, so I don't think he has a happy one."

"Shuuichi...", well. He was speechless. He was standing right in the 1 percent posibility he thought wouldn't occur in a million years, "I don't know if I can be just his friend. It's not that simple."

"You won't find out if you don't try, and don't give me that look, sir. I'm just giving you the advice you'd give me if Yuki was married. Thank God he isn't, because I'd burst out laughing if you'd suggest I should be his friend, because you know how Yuki is and-"

"Shuuichi."

"Sorry. We're talking about you. So, what are you going to do?".

"I...", he smiled, in spite of how unsure he felt about the whole matter, he did wrong understimating Shuuichi but he was glad with the unexpected outcome, "I'll go to see him after work."

"Yay! That's the Hiro I know!".

"Shuuichi."

"Hai?".

"Thanks. I owe you one."

"Nah. We're even, you're always helping me after all. I have to do something once in a while."

"Mh. Sounds fair enough."

"Hey! You should say something like 'don't worry, Shuu, you're always helping me too'!".

"Should I?".

"You're mean", he accused him, before enthusiasthically squeezing him, "I'm glad you're back!".

"T-Than...ks... Shuu... can't... breath..."

Hiro parked his motorcycle in front of an unknown building, after checking several times that he was at the right address. He had never visited K before, so he had to flirt and sign a couple of CD's in order to get the info.

He got down, wondering if he was doing the right thing while he walked to the gate. Whether he was doing it or not, the most important thing for him at the moment was to know if K was better. He didn't want explanations, he just wanted to see a bit of the K he knew back.

He never thought a week apart would make such a difference. K had travelled to America, while Bad Luck had a one week recess to compose songs and rest. All of them were supposed to come back to business today, to have a calm day of practice and nothing else just to start. It wasn't supposed to be such a wasted day. And Hiro knew that most of the guilt was his. He just couldn't forget how K looked in the morning, therefore his fingers slipped quite often leaving a very,very frustrated Suguru and a very, very worried Shuuichi.

He was about to ring the bell when a rushed Ryuuichi came through the door and almost end up running into him.

"Nakano-kun! What are you doing here?", the singer in his intense self asked, staring in surprise at him.

"I came to see K. He didn't look good, so...", he tried to explain without implying anything, "Is he home?".

"Hai, hai, he's sleeping. You make me a huge favor if you stay with him until I came back! Can you watch him for the night? I've got things to do, and Tohma the Tyrant didn't let me pospose them."

_Stay with him? Watch him?_ Was K that bad? What the hell had happened?

"S-Sure, Sakuma-san... I'll stay with him."

"Thanks, Nakano-kun! Here!", he made a pause to throw to him the keys before running to his car, "I hid the guns, so if he wakes up just tell him it was me and you'll be fine! Kumagoro'll help you, he stayed so that K wouldn't be alone! Ja ne!".

"Ja... ne."

Blinking in confusion, Hiro entered the building feeling slightly relieved that K's _toys_ weren't near his reach this time. Though if that made K feel worse he was going to look for them personally. He kind of understood the love K felt for his weapons after all. It resembled a lot the love he had for his guitar and his byke, with the not minor difference that those two objects were not intended to do harm.

An irreal feeling invaded him when he opened the door of K's appartment. He'd seen it in his dreams at least twice, but finding out that it was very much close to how he'd pictured it left him in plain shock. Manly, minimalistic, yet somehow warm enough to feel like a home.

He walked in, closing the door behind him as soft as he was able to. He left his guitar by the entrance, removed his shoes and began an improvised and non-authorized tour on his own through K's place.

Seeing the bedroom empty caused him to instantly freak out. He ran to the living room, took the keys again, and was about to start a frantic quest when he eyed blond hair on the couch. Detail he'd first missed.

Sighing, he sat on the coffee table and watched K sleeping peacefully, his hair falling over his face, his shirt unbuttoned and Kumagoro laying on his chest. A half empty bottle of vodka lied on the floor, near one of K's hands that hung down from the couch and an ashtray overflowing with cigarettes butts was not far from where he was sitting.

Hiro always found amazing that K, with that pretty hair and feminine features of his, could be so manly. His body was definitely the one of a man in good shape. He couldn't be confused for a woman because of it and because of the way he acted and his deep, endearing voice. But when he was sleeping he seemed almost fragile. Or maybe it was just because he was still pale, still going through something harsh that he looked that way to him.

"Behave", he reprimanded himself, standing up and walking to the kitchen, "you didn't come here to drool."

It was a good thing to know the man could control himself, the guitarist analized after making sure there weren't any more empty bottles in the trash can or anywhere else. Drinking a bit and smoking was a natural thing to do during bad times. The key element was to have self-control and save oneself a bigger problem.

And apparently K agreed with him.

After looking in the fridge and finding some oranges, he resolved to make juice as well as cook dinner. He didn't know if K'd be hungry anytime soon, but he wanted to do something to distract himself from the view of the living room.

"Just a friend, huh", he said bitterly to himself, "that's easy to say."

An hour or two later – he wasn't really paying attention -, K's unmistakable voice echoed across the room without any warning. The american hadn't make a noise and yet there he was, standing right behind him.

"Night", he greeted in english as if seeing Hiro in his kitchen wasn't weird at all, "Smells good."

"Dinner's ready. You want to eat something?".

Wait. Did he sound like a wife or was it just his imagination?

"Yeah", it didn't seem like K was surprised of the situation, though, actually he seemed so at ease with it that Hiro wondered if he had been awake all along, tricking him. The blond got even nearer then and looked over his shoulder before adding, "You've been here for a while."

"Yeah, Sakuma-san-".

"Gave you the keys. You needn't to-".

"Do this? I know. I wanted to", he quietly admitted, "let's eat, K."

The redhead wisely chose to eat in silence. He didn't want K to loose his appetite, so he refrained from doing any questions, even when he just wanted to do a single one.

"How are you feeling?", he finally asked when both had finished.

"I've been better. But food was really good. Can I hire you as a chef?".

"I'm sorry, I don't think you can afford me."

"Oh, you'd be surprised. I have secrets sources."

"You mean blackmailing and that kind of stuff? That's not secret, K, that's ilegal."

"Same thing."

"Not really."

"Judy, my now ex-wife, cheated on me", K spitted out then, all of a sudden, "with my now ex-best friend. I went to America to sign the divorce papers and for the custody trail, but I lost. The jury gave her my son's custody anyway."

"I'm sorry", was all Hiro could say. He didn't think K'd speak so openly about it.

"Don't be. She was an awful wife anyway, but she's a good mother so Michael will be fine. That's all that matters. When he grows up he can choose whether to live with me or his mother."

"Can you at least visit him?".

"Yeah. Bad part is Judy will be there too", he answered quickly before guffawing almost as he did normally. There was still a bit of tension in him and Hiro had no idea what to say next.

K then turned his laughter into a smirk and said, "Thanks for coming, Hiroshi. I'm curious though, why are you here?".

Feeling like his throat had become the Sahara Desert, Hiro swallowed.

"_Evade, evade"_, his head told him. And so he did.

"You've called me Hiroshi."

"Yeah. So?"

"You've never called me that way before."

"Doesn't mean I didn't want to. Now we're at my house and I can call you whatever I want."

"No, you can't! Haven't Sakuma-san explained to you what his first name means to a person?".

"Yes, he have. It's stupid. If I want to call you babe, then I'll do it! You don't have to agree with that."

"You want to call me _what_!?", the readhead almost shrieked. Was K flirting with him?, _"Masaka."_

"Not the point. You're avoiding my question, _Hiroshi_. Why are you here?".

"Well, you're my manager", Hiro quickly elaborated, "I have to take care of you."

"No, you don't have to!", another sinister laugh, "That's _my_ job! You aren't supposed to do anything for me and you know it."

Yes. Yes, he knew it.

"_Great moment __to start lying as bad as Shuu"_, Hiro internally muttered, _"Really great."_

"That's why I'm asking. _Why_ are you here?", the blond made a pause as he looked around, "Where is my magnum when I need it the most?", he approached the couch and took his other guardian before continuing, "Where is it, Kumagoro? I know you know, don't give me that innocent bunny look!".

That bizarre scene came to a halt when the door bell rang. K glared at it and nearlly ran to get it whispering, "You're a dead man, Sakuma Ryuuichi."

It wasn't the person he was waiting for though, luckily for said human being. Instead, the NG president personally was standing by the door, looking extremely weary. To say the least.

"I see you're alive."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Ask Ryuuichi about it. He made me come all the way here to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine", K assured, while waving the redhead to come close. Hiro did, racing an eyebrow at the gesture. When he arrived to the blond's side, he almost dropped his jaw feeling the taller man's hand around his shoulders, "See? I have a keeper."

"Nakano-kun", Tohma said politely, not looking a bit surprised.

"Seguchi-san", Hiro greeted in return, praying for his cheeks not to betray him.

"Are you really fine, K? I can get you a good lawyer if you want. I'll get Bad Luck a temporary manager as well."

"Oh? You'll get me one of the mafia kick-ass lawyers?", Hiro fought back his urge to laugh at the comment, he was thinking just the same thing, "Thanks, but no, thanks."

"As you like. I'll tell Ryuuichi you're fine, then."

As the flash visit of Seguchi ended, Hiro was quickly remembered he was quite in an awkward situation. What he could say to K in order to evade the real issue escaped his reasoning, but he knew he couldn't tell him the truth. It was too soon.

Too soon for him to ask K to trust in someone again, after what he'd gone through.

Plus, it wasn't like K was going to correspond his feelings anyway.

Was it?

It was hard to tell with the blond still almost hugging him.

"See that?", K started, leading him to the couch, still not letting him go, "He came because Ryuuichi told him to."

"Your point?", managed to ask Hiro after they sat side by side, _still_ having K's arm around him.

"People have a reason to do things. What is yours? Why are you here?".

"Why do you want to know? _And why the hell are you hugging me in the first place?_".

"Told you already. I'm curious."

"Why are you curious?".

"Why do you want to know why I'm curious?".

"Why are you so-"

"Ok. Enough of 'why's", before Hiro could even react, K changed his grab to his arms and forced him to lay on his back with him right on top of him, "I want to hear because's now. I may not have my gun, but I have _other_ weapons at hand. So, I'm listening."

"K-", Hiro breathed heavily, resisting to lock his eyes with the sapphire pair he had staring at him, "Let me go!".

"Answer me and I will."

"You ungrateful bastard! I came to check on you, I was _worried_, okay? WORRIED! You're my fucking manager, I have the _right_ to be worried! Now let me go!".

"So that's it?", K sounded rather disappointed, Hiro thought, or he was delutional again, "You came to see your manager?".

"Yes. Now let me go, bakayarou!"

"Liar", K said, increasing his proximity to him, narrowing his eyes, "You could have told me that at the beginning. I'm not buying it now."

"Oh? Would you have bought it before then?".

"I'm the one asking the questions. Now _answer_!".

"I have already!", Hiro kept struggling to get free, "if you don't believe me it's your freaking problem!".

"It's a shame, _Nakano-kun_", K began, this time seeming hurt more than disappointed, "I thought we got along pretty well."

"We do get along well", Hiro consented.

"Then why can't you be honest with me?", the american asked with rage, without taking his eyes off of him, "As you said, it's my freaking problem how I react to what you have to say."

"You want the truth?", Hiro inquired angrily, "Fine. Don't forget you asked for it."

He was done. Done with dealing with his locked feelings for K when he was so painfully close to him, so close he could feel his warm breath on his skin.

The hell with the timing. The hell with empathy as well. The hell with _everything_.

Instead of clarifying his previous answer with words, Hiro used all his strength to free one of his arms and grabbed K's shirt. He pulled it so hard their lips collided against each other, starting a battle of their own for control. K released his other arm and found his way to embrace Hiro's waist as if he had always known where exactly it was in his body.

The guitarist used both of his hands to rock the older's man face, putting all of his being in the kiss. He totally lost the little conscience he had when he felt K's tongue exploring his mouth. He could grasp the other's desperate need to feel him, need which match his perfectly.

"Well. That was honest", K spoke after they broke apart in order to breathe, "Good thing I'm divorced, don't you think?".

"K", that was all he was going to say? Was it a joke?, "I was honest. Now it's your turn."

"What? We're even, I kissed you back."

"I started it! Explain why you didn't push me away and stop joking around!".

"Hiroshi", K smiled then. Not a smirk or a grin, a real smile, "You were the one who chose not to use words. I like your choice, so don't ruin it."

Hiro was about to object, but K's damp lips on his forehead convinced him otherwise.

"_You_ don't ruin it. Don't sound like it's a joke for you",

"Sorry. It's the truth though", K reassured him, allowing Hiro to enjoy his smile, "if you stay long enough I'll tell you about how you made me realize I'd never been in love before meeting you."

"Mh, in love you say?", Hiro giggled, proud of being able to touch those blond locks which fell all around him, "Sounds interesting. I'll think about it."

"Good. Let me know what you decide."

"Sure."

Hiro'll be more than glad to stay all the time it took and more than that, indeed.

He'll have to thank Shuuichi, too. Both of them, the real one and the one he had inside his head, brainwashing him.


End file.
